Funny. Speaking to his younger self was so strange at times. Even if this was an alternate version of him… he found himself thinking that the boy was quite smart, quite perceptive. How was he able to say what Mika himself could not?
“There are bad people in the world. Humans and vampires alike,” he agreed, slowly moving to wrap an arm around the younger, pulling him in close. There was a certain comfort in that gesture. Perhaps it was because of the body warmth which emanated off the boy?
“At times… I worry that I’m becoming one of them.”
☆彡 Of course, the boy’s having grown so perceptive was rooted in self-preservation. He’d never had family to protect like his older self did, and he wasn’t sure if he every would. At times, he wondered how things would be different if he had.
But that alternate reality sat right next to him, tugging him into a hug that the younger curled into. Whether it was better or worse could be debated. Though he’d read once that it was better to love someone and lose then, he questioned the truth value of that. It seemed awfully painful.
“I don’t think you are. The fact that you don’t want to speaks to that.”
“… oh.” But even if he didn’t know any of the names, that didn’t mean Mika was alright with calling them out in his sleep. He’d tried so hard to put the past behind him, to lock it away deep within himself. It pained him still, of course. And he knew it always would. But he didn’t want others to know that. It made him look weak. “It doesn’t matter if they’d forgive me. I will never forgive myself.”
Ah. This isn’t really a good conversation to be having with a little boy. Especially one who is actually some kind of younger version of himself. Sitting up he placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Sorry. I showed you a bad side of myself, didn’t I?”
☆彡 But the boy knew that he couldn’t help the dreams he had. He had nightmares as well, albeit he wasn’t sure whether or not he spoke through them or not. Tilting his head a bit, he stayed quiet for a while, unsure what exactly to say next. Then he spoke up. “I know you won’t, but it’s not your fault if someone tricks you. It may hurt, but it’s not your fault. There are bad people in the world. You can’t do anything about it.”
Spoken like a sage, though he was sure it wouldn’t help either way. Maybe the elder would be comforted, if only a little. Or maybe he’d just be worried about where that knowledge came from. The boy didn’t speak of home, and he wasn’t sure if the other’s experience of it was the same as his with the whole alternate timelines thing.
☆彡
“It’s okay… I don’t know any of them…” The elder had been mumbling out names in his sleep, but none that the boy recognised. He assumed that they were dead though. Maybe there’d be some reassurance in the fact that he wouldn’t miss them; rather, he just missed the chance to have friends, but he wouldn’t say it aloud. “I’m sure they’d forgive you too. You do the best you can…”
But they were one and the same, weren’t they? If he was doing it for the boy, he was doing it for himself. And besides. How could putting the other through such pain for his own benefit possibly be for his sake?
“You know I won’t be the same after. I won’t get any older, and my eyes will turn red…”
☆彡
“For me. I… know that, but you won’t be suffering either. Besides, even if drinking blood changes you physically, I don’t see what effect it would have on you as a whole. You’d still be who you are; it’s not like you’d start acting like a monster all of a sudden. So please?”
Surely the younger wasn’t the only one who realised that while they may be technically one and the same, they were also from two different timelines. He’d heard the elder’s nightmares, and with all the names he muttered, the boy didn’t recognise a single one. Going by what he’d been able to figure out, he knew that he would have met them if he was going to.
“N-no,” he shook his head, moving to create more space between them once again. “I don’t… I can’t. The thought of putting you through that… I don’t like it.”
☆彡 “I don’t like watching you like this. You know that. I know you do.” The boy took another step forward. “But I told you that it’s fine. So please? For me?”
His tone was desperate, but perhaps sounded a bit more filled with anger than he really felt. He couldn’t control it, though. The thirst was too strong… He wouldn’t be able to resist…
☆彡 The boy stared at the elder for a moment before stepping forward, contrary to the command given, and holding out his hand. “It’s okay,” he mumbled in an attempt at reassurance. “I told you, I don’t mind. You can have some of my blood.”
“… please, don’t tempt me like that. I can only resist for so long.” Would it really be okay to drink his blood? Wouldn’t that be like drinking his own blood? He didn’t even know what the consequences of such a thing might be.
☆彡 Without a doubt, that was something the elder should not have told him. “I want to help you,” Mika repeated as he shifted closer, sniffling a little. “What’s gonna happen if you don’t get better? I can’t…”
“I know you want to help…” he murmured, gently ruffling the younger one’s hair. “But I wouldn’t feel right. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
☆彡 With a pout, the boy allowed the other to ruffle his hair, albeit he was far from comforted by the action. “I’m sure you wouldn’t. I wouldn’t feel right not doing anything to help when I know I can.”
“I… I don’t know,” he admitted, shaking his head as he eyed the boy skeptically. “You know what I am. I know you do. You’re a clever boy, after all. Don’t offer something like that… you don’t want me to do that, trust me.”
☆彡 There probably wasn’t a logical argument to it, but hell if the boy didn’t try to find one anyway. “It’s fine… If it helps you, I don’t mind.” He shifted closer to the elder, watching him in concern. “I just want to help…”
“Of course it’s the point,” he insisted. “I’m fine. It’ll heal…” Sure, if he had some more blood right about now he would be able to heal much faster. But he wasn’t going to tell that to his younger self.
☆彡 The boy frowned at him. “But when? How do you know?” he persisted. Fangs gave away the fact that the other was a vampire. Mika had read about them, and had a pretty good idea already of how he could help. “Please…”
